Girl, you’re beautiful.

Body positivity is hard. We’re constantly surrounded by the latest and greatest fat-burning pills, the flat tummy teas from sponsored Instagram models, and the always passive-aggressive “you OK – you look tired” comments from co-workers.

Well f-ck all of that. If you tell yourself you love your body often enough you’ll eventually believe it. I swear. Look at yourself every day and tell yourself you’re beautiful and fabulous and worthy of everything you want out of your life. Believing it won’t happen overnight.  BUT KEEP TRYING – IT IS SO WORTH IT. Literally, one day you’ll just wake up and it’ll click. You’ll get ready for work, or class, or whatever you’re doing that day and think YAS I AM A GODDESS. It’s freeing, and wonderful, and kind of weird. We’re expected to doubt ourselves. To compare ourselves to everyone based on whatever new arbitrary standard we create this week. To smile and bashfully deflect compliments.

Well, not anymore honey. Let’s start. Look in the mirror. What parts of your body get the least love? The “too dark” hairs above your lips? The touching thighs? The uneven skin tone? Think about what is actually wrong with any of that. Can’t come up with anything? You have officially arrived at Step 1. Step 2 is the f-ck it portion of the journey where you learn to reject unattainable ideals and start to set your own standards instead.

I’m not here to tell you that you have to be totally organic all the time to love yourself. You can highlight, contour, bleach, pluck, and exfoliate all you want. The key lies in knowing you’re not beautiful simply because you do those things, but because you’re body is where you exist. Where you dance, and cry, and live your purpose.

No amount of concealer, or botox, or crunches, or salads will make you accept whatever flaws you see in the mirror. Only confidence (and some body positive affirmations) can get you there.

Slay queens, ily all.


“But you’re thin?”

I talk about body positivity a lot. To my family, my friends, my co-workers, strangers in public fitting rooms, etc. Every time I advocate for loving yourself and your body, the reflexive response is, “but you’re thin?!” So, basically, like what does this little white girl know about hating your body?

First, touché. Strangers don’t give me dirty looks when I eat junk food in public. I can always find clothes in my size and makeup that suits my skin tone in any mainstream store. I see people that look moderately similar to me on TV, in movies, and in magazines every single day.

But I also know that I wouldn’t wear a bikini for years because I didn’t like my stomach. I know I have stretch marks on my breasts and thighs. I know I prefer to go out in public with my face on and my eyebrows filled. I know I like the way my nose looks smaller in those ridiculous Snapchat beauty filters. I know I can’t find a romper I think I look good wearing.

I know women are getting plastic surgery to redesign their labia (one of the many societal impacts of the porn industry – but that’s another story). That you can get breast implants when your breasts aren’t large enough, or a breast reduction when you feel like all of your look “inappropriate” for daytime casual. You can cover your skin with make-up or chemicals if it happens to be too dark or too light. You can buy Spanx or juice cleanses when you need to fit into dress with a specific number printed on a tag that only you will see.

I think you see where I’m going here. While I’ve focused on body issues that primarily effect women, because that has been my personal experience, this post also aims to serve as a friendly reminder that body positivity is for everyone and anyone. All genders, all races and ethnic backgrounds, all ages, all shapes and sizes, all levels of ability, all bodies.

Some people will always think you’re “too much” of one trait or “not enough” of another. But all of those expectations can never be met. You have to do you. Take care of your body. Take pride in your body. Listen to your body.


That’s all.

#LoveYourself: Intro to Self-Care

Self-care is key in staying sane, empowered, and ready to face the challenges each new day brings. Self-care  is also incredibly individual and depends on your own personal experiences and needs.

For me, self care is about expression. When I hear people say they can’t remember the last time they cried, I just can’t believe living like that. Mostly because the last time I cried was when a particularly sad song from Next to Normal played on the drive to work this morning and subsequently ripped my heart out. But, I digress. The point is that I find expression to be incredibly cathartic, and that feeling strongly is not a reason to feel silly or ashamed. Self care is about listening to yourself, trusting yourself, and protecting yourself. 

If you need to take a shower and cry before you think you can handle anything else, do it. If you need to write down the reasons why a particular action made you so angry, do it. If you want to drive with the windows wide open and sing to your favorite playlist because you’re feeling amazing, DO IT! 

My other favorite self-care lifestyle tip is to learn prioritization. Preparing a fresh dinner, meditating, and journaling before bed each night is unrealistic for many of us, but you can prioritize yourself in other ways. Make lists so you don’t forget an errand midday and have to create more stress for tomorrow. Cook some extra foods on the nights you eat at home so you can save time making lunch the next morning. Get some fresh air, even if it just means cracking the bedroom window. Take a walk. Read a book. Write a journal entry. Do something for yourself. You’re worth it. 

Body Positivity: 101

Learning to love yourself, and your body, is a journey. It takes time, energy, and patience.

It’s not easy.

I think the best way to learn how to love your body is to take a look at your idea of the body you think would love to have. What shapes your vision? Is it a celebrity on a magazine cover? A friend’s Instagram selfie? Comments from your mom? The beauty standards that you have been taught over your lifetime are effected by so many different influences. You can’t just forget about them, and they cannot be ignored when they constantly fall within your line of vision. They must be acknowledged before they can be dismantled. When did you decide that those ideals would shape the way you see your own reflection? That your own reflection is constantly either too much or not enough? Why did you decide that someone else knows your beauty better than you?

Once you reflect upon what shapes your idea of body image, look at your own body. Don’t scrutinize it, but truly see it. Accept the pockets of fat that protect your bones, and the organs that sustain your life. Accept the lines that appear when you smile back at the face in your mirror. Accept the cellulite that is constantly blurred in photos. Accept your tummy, and your “ugly” feet, and your knotty hair. Stop apologizing. Stop missing out on the clothes you long to wear. Stop chasing impossible standards.

Start small. You don’t have to immediately start posting bikini selfies to prove you love the body you live in. You can start wherever you feel comfortable. That might be by treating yourself to a cupcake even if you don’t think you”deserve” it. It might be by wearing the dress that’s been hidden in the back of your closet because you think it won’t look as good as you had hoped. It might be by freely complementing others. It doesn’t matter where your journey begins, as long as you keep moving forward.

What the scale can’t tell you

Weight. Noun. Definition: the force with which a body is attracted toward the earth…by gravitation and which is equal to the product of the mass and the local gravitational acceleration. (Merriam-Webster)

During a casual Pinterest scroll, an article title caught my eye. “How to Tell if You’re Healthy without Weighing Yourself.” I didn’t read it. Not only because I’m a body positive feminist, but also because  WHY WOULD YOU THINK THE ONLY WAY TO TELL IF YOU’RE HEALTHY IS BY STEPPING ON A SCALE?

The numbers that flash on the scale don’t…

Reflect that your hair is thick and shiny,

Or that your skin is radiant with confidence.

They won’t tell you how many people love you,

Or how you positively impact the world with your work, or art, or kind spirit.

They won’t tell you if you can run a mile,

Or climb a flight of stairs without getting winded.

That you are allowed to eat,

no matter how much you ate yesterday,

and how much you didn’t exercise today.

That your body is worthy of respect and admiration.

The scale can’t tell you if you feel good.

If you are rested, strong, and nourished.

Your body will let you know when you need food, sleep, and love.

Just listen.

“Oh honey, boys don’t wear that.”

Story time. So as I was browsing through the drug store yesterday, I see a young woman with two little kids. One was an infant, comfortably tucked into a carrier. The other was a boy about my nephew’s age, no more than 3, toddling around chattering about something I couldn’t quite understand. Then mom clarified what he was talking about by responding to him out loud: “Oh no honey, boys don’t wear lip gloss!” This adorable, animated, curly haired child has NO IDEA about the social implications of gender. Lip gloss is literally meaningless in his little world, other than it’s something interesting that makes his mom’s lips look hella sparkly. Let’s be real, sparkly lips are pretty cool.

Anyway, this happened the day after International Women’s Day. (Happy belated IWD to all my ladies out there – ilu) I feel like that makes it extra ironic. After celebrating the women who have fought and died for our ability to choose, who have raised us, and who have shaped the society in which we live in so many ways, I hear a woman shove her son into a tiny little gender box where “girl things” are learned to be inferior. Well, to you I say “Bye, Felicia.” To the son I say that lip gloss isn’t reserved for little girls and grown women, and that things typically associated with little girls, and grown women, are not in any way less than other things. When you grow up, I hope you support the women in your life, who shaped the person you will become. Also that you allow your toddler who has no concept of gender roles to live outside the binary boxes.

Let’s Raise Awareness

Eating disorders don’t look like pretty girls watching the rain fall as they picturesquely sip Diet Coke. 

They don’t look like delicate collar bones clothed in pale skin.

They don’t look like the thigh gaps or #bodygoals you’ll find on Tumblr and Instagram as you compulsively search for thinspo.

They look like splotchy purple bruises covering your malnourished skin.

They look like notebooks filled with scrawls of calorie counts and hours of exercise.

They look like the clumps of hair that block the shower drain.

And the thick sweaters you wear to stay warm when you start to constantly shiver.

They feel like constant inadequacy, anxiety, and stress.

Despite popular opinion, they can’t be cured by eating a slice of pizza.

They are deadly mental illnesses that can find themselves trapped in your mind.

The journey to body positivity and self love is long and difficult but recovery is possible. You are worthy and powerful and you don’t have to go through it alone.